


Helpless

by ThereIsNoTragedyInThat



Series: Spirits and Cocaine [29]
Category: Narcos (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, I found this in my drafts, Idiots in Love, Javi let's him though, Kissing, M/M, Messy Feelings, Nightmares, Sort of? - Freeform, Steve takes what he wants, never a good sign
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-19 11:20:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29998560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThereIsNoTragedyInThat/pseuds/ThereIsNoTragedyInThat
Summary: Javier has his feet kicked up on Steve’s table, a cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth, file open in his lap and words swimming before his eyes
Relationships: Steve Murphy/Javier Peña
Series: Spirits and Cocaine [29]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2100027
Comments: 11
Kudos: 25





	Helpless

**Author's Note:**

> No prompt. This is from the horror show that is my drafts so here you go.

Javier has his feet kicked up on Steve’s table, a cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth, file open in his lap and words swimming before his eyes. He shouldn’t be smoking in here but well…Connie isn’t coming back anytime soon and from the looks of things, Steve has given up on the illusion that she might be.

He can hear gunshots outside, the sound as familiar as the highway used to be back home in Texas and he doesn’t spare it another thought. Closes the file and tosses it absently back on to the pile waiting for him. It isn’t going to happen, not tonight, and so he indulges himself by letting his eyes linger on his partner.

Steve tapped out nearly an hour ago, eyes glassy with lack of sleep, inexplicably chose to curl up on the sofa instead of heading back to the bedroom. Javi can’t help but wonder if the poor man is trying to avoid his empty bed, the reminder of losing Connie and the kid.

It kills him to see Steve hurting, to watch him stumble around the gaping wound that was left in him, try to pretend that he’s alright. Yet, he can’t find it in himself to be pissed at Connie, can’t blame her for taking the kid and running off to Miami…hell she seems to be one of the smart ones.

At the moment the poor lump is laying on his back, head twisted at a terrible angle against the arm and his fingers itch to get up and fix it, to stuff a pillow beneath his head. Instead, Javi takes a long drag of his cigarette, plucks it from his mouth after and taps out what’s left on the ashtray Steve had unearthed before they got started.

The hand resting on Steve’s belly twitches, pointer finger curling just a little and Javi finds himself leaning forward, waiting for it. It’s as inevitable as the sun in the morning and the moon at night, doesn’t leave him the least bit surprised when Steve’s brow furrows and a quiet huff of air slips from his lips.

Running a calloused hand down his face, Javi debates whether or not to wake Steve before the nightmare turns into something just a little too nasty. He should let it be, should get up and leave, let the other man believe that he’d left a while go and give him some privacy. Of course…Javi never has been good at doing the right thing, at not chasing down every damn gut feeling he has.

Getting up with a sigh, Javi leans over him and settles a hand firmly on Steve’s shoulder just as something like a whimper comes from his partner. His heart aches something fierce as Steve gives a full-bodied flinch, trying to jerk away from him, blindly reaching for a gun that was deliberately out of reach.

“Hey man,” he kept his voice low, soothing. “I’m about to head out, figured you might like to turn in to an actual bed.”

Steve looks up at him, blinking in a way that’s all sleepy and confused. Javi stares right back, waiting for him to get his head on right, tries real hard to push back the urge to just kiss the man right then, to show him that he’s still got people that care…that love him despite Connie-

He cuts the thought off abruptly.

Nothing good coming from that.

“Javi?”

Offers him a brittle smile, “a bad one uh? Escobar or the club?”

Steve’s face drains of all colour and Javi knows he shouldn’t have said anything. A man’s demons are his own but, well he’s always been terrible at watching the people he cares about suffer, can’t quite seem to shut his mouth.

“It wasn’t-”

Javi shrugs, tries to retract the words, “its fine Steve, I get ‘em too.”

He notices his hand is still on Steve’s shoulder, moves to withdraw it, to install some space between them when his sleeve is suddenly caught between those clever fingers, holding him close. Javi can feel something shift, the atmosphere going all tense and suffocating like they’re in the middle of a stand-off, middle of a hostage situation and trying to limit the casualties.

Steve is looking up at him with the same expression he gets when he’s trying to figure out the logistics of a raid, like he is looking for the best way in and failure could be life or death and Javi’s heart is beating like a drum in his chest, a thin sheen of sweat making his skin itch.

He watches Steve’s adam’s apple bob as he swallows, lets him move his hand from his wrist down, until their fingers are curled together, the touch both familiar and all too foreign, too new for them, yet a comfort all the same. Javi thinks he knows where this is going, isn’t sure if he should let it play out, finds himself thinking about Connie and the job and that sweet little girl…all the reason why he should pull away.

But.

Steve sits up, doesn’t let go of his hand and tugs him down until Javi can’s do anything but sink down next to him. It could mean nothing, would mean nothing if he didn’t know his partner so well and then its unbearable because Javi has never been known for his self-control. Their bodies are pressed tightly together and Steve still looks just a little bit lost, like the dredges of his nightmare were still clinging to him, one big red warning sign that Javi shouldn’t ignore.

Except he does, pretends not to see it and then Steve is kissing him. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t imagined how it might go, hadn’t jerked himself off to fuzzy fantasies of his partner on him, touching him. The reality, of course, was just a bit clumsier, a little more desperate and Javier abruptly, didn’t want it any other way.

The tickle of his mustache was a mild distraction to the way Steve’s lips moved intently against his. The kiss was hard, like they didn’t have much time and Javi responded in kind, weaving his fingers in his partner’s hair and pulling him closer, biting at his bottom lip and licking his way into the man’s mouth. Steve made a low sound in the back of his throat, somewhere between a whimper and a moan, prompting Javi to finally pull away with a soft gasp, heart somersaulting in his chest.

They were breathing hard and Javier couldn’t look away from Steve's swollen, glistening lips, wanted to reach out and kiss him again and again until he forgot all about the nightmares, until Connie and the baby were nothing but a distant memory.

Steve reached up suddenly, a hand curling in the fabric of his shirt, like he was thinking of pulling him in again, eyes still a little dazed and that right there was like a bucket of cold water had been tossed over his head. There were reasons, a whole host of good ones and a few bad ones, of why he shouldn’t have just done that, and Javier could practically feel himself go pale.

He needed to leave, like he should have done from the start, a sudden sense of urgency hitting him. 

“I’m sorry,” he forced out, hushed and regretful. Ignored the way Steve’s brows furrowed, “I’m going to go home, you should get some-” Moving to stand, the hand in his shirt tightened, didn’t let him go anywhere, making Javier’s stomach twist fearfully. “Steve-”

“No,” his voice was hard, a little angry like Javi had just done something stupid. “Don’t go.”

Swallowing thickly, he shook his head, tried to find a way out, “I shouldn’t have-”

“Please. I don’t want you to go.”

Now his eyes were wide and imploring, that defiance gleaming in the corners and even after all this time, he hadn’t quite figured out how to say no to him. God help him, because he knew his partner well enough, that Steve would just keep taking and taking and taking until he had nothing left, no way to hold him back.

Love was a treacherous thing.

The hand not gripping his shirt, reached up and cupped his cheek, guided him forward and Javier went, helpless, until their lips met again. The kiss was almost gentle, coaxing, and like a fool, he melted into it, into Steve, forgetting about all the reasons why this was a bad idea, why it’d only end in heartbreak.


End file.
